Saturday, July 2, 2011

As Much As I Ever Could

I am learning life lessons every day.
It sriveting.
and wonderous.
the good and the bad.

For its the 'bad' that teaches us lessons
about both ourselves and others.
The good is a blessing in filling those moments of laughter and joy
The beauty in waking
The beauty in love

I dont know what I want
And I guess its taken 28 years to come to that conclusion
and what an empty conclusion to come to after all I have experienced.

But I see hope in it.
Its that black void that I am in
that allows for any possibility to manifest.

All possibilities are open to me.
and I have always swayed with the breeze.

I saw a baby bird struggling in a parking lot today.
I took it in to the neighborhood bar where we fed it water through a straw.
It was so sweet.
So gentle
We placed him into a to go box (open of course) and put him outside the door of the humane society.

Im worried about that little bird
worried that he is all alone.
worried that he died in the night.

I left him with a peck to the head
and a farewell wishing of safety.

Gah, I hope he is ok.

But I realize in that
that I care more about the well being of that bird than I do of my own similar struggles.
'I have such a deep love for this world
such compasion for all its inhabitants

I had more of a definitive decision in what to do with that bird than what to do with my life.
What does that say?

Its unclear to me at this time.
but I recognize it.

I guess that is the first step of attaining aloneness and gaining perspective.
We shall see what epiphanies are in store.

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