Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Disappointment

Im disappointed today.
I never thought I would ever say that word
or experience that sensation

I can honestly say I have never felt that way about anyone beyond myself.

And maybe I expect more from people.
And that may be a fault of mine.

I believe in honesty
and I have spent my limited lifetime configuring my voice
to express what is in my heart
the love for humanity
the affinity and appreciation for those close to me.

and in this moment it seems pinched.

Im fumbling over words in my head.
Having trouble classifying this feeling.

I miss the ocean.
I miss standing, sand between my toes
releasing the weight in my chest.

Allowing it to escape through my pores.
I miss the sound of the waves
the salty breeze
I can close my eyes and be there

but instead I sit at this coffee shop
perplexed
watching the biplanes escape over the mountains.
anticipating my next climb.

this will have to do.

I find myself swayed by the mountain air
calming my frustration
and rocking me to a lull.

maybe that sensation is fleeting
Its not in my nature to be disappointed.
Its so funny how it comes in with such intensity
but whithers quickly as i contemplate the why's and origins of this feeling.

Maybe introspection into negative sensations allows for them to die sooner.

Thank you Sedona.

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