Sunday, February 20, 2011

sitting and waiting

Why is this pain in my chest?
Why do my dreams fulfill my spirit more than my waking days?

What is purpose and how do we find it?
Since I was young I was told by others that I was destined for greatness.
Well, where is it?
Where is the abundance?

Why is my heart bursting with love, good intentions, and this beautifully delicious scent?
But yet, it cant escape my lips or play out in daily life?

Why am I surrounded by millions of people and yet feel so alone?
Moved by this sky, this life, this view....
but feel as though I experience it alone?

I am often asked, "how can you have 4000 friends and still feel lonely?"
Sometimes our hearts and our heads disagree.

Sometimes life throws us curveballs, surprising us--- even if we have asked for it all along.

Life is opening up to me, sometimes as a casket and sometimes as a cocoon

Its full of unknowns.

I created the intent that I am ready and open to receive.
Then the Tower came.
And though right now is my floating stage, I still can't swim.

How does one keep their brains away from their hearts?
How do you keep the pain from seeping into the muscles?
How does one remain positive when you awaken to the idea that you really don't Know what you want?
I guess its similar to when someone tells you they don't want you...

Maybe that is when, yeah loneliness will come, and sure- you may feel alone.
But that is the lower mind talking.
That is the fear coming out.

And maybe while one is seeing that loneliness as a somber event, it is truly a time to open and take that time to sit with yourself.
close your eyes and see what your heart wants.

The longest hardest part of my life has begun.
Forget the last year, forget relationship status, forget illness, forget the basics that would jar life...
Forcing oneself to take an introspection is the hardest thing one can do.

How do we accept this with love?
How can we help one another not to feel loneliness?

Just thoughts, any help would be appreciated.


  1. I think you are always way too busy, too many passions, paths and people, to really know yourself. You try to be everything and do everything and the end result is, despite your best efforts in each thing, a superficial result with all of them.

    I know partially how awesome and amazing you are, but I haven't seen more of it. I'm quite sure it goes far, far deeper than anything you've shown me and I wonder if it goes far deeper than anything you've shown anyone.

    I've only seen you as strong, confident and standing on the vanguard against a dark and scary world. That sort of tells me it's a lie though, because the world is dark and scary and sometimes it'll wear you down and grind you to dust. Sometimes you have to let it, and letting down your guard is always the hardest thing to do because it's the closest we come to being hurt.

    Most people only TRULY begin introspection and self-development when they feel they've got no other option. When their defenses fail and they're hurt or they've got nothing left to lose. Introspection is sort of a healing processes but to do it properly and come out stronger, you need to take a wound first.

  2. I believe Tyler Durden answered some of the earlier questions as in where is this abundance..
    "I see all this potential, and I see it squandered. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables – slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won't. We're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."

  3. Wow, you, lonely? I am so sad to hear that. That is unexpected.

    When will your time come? When I ask myself that I tell myself it will come; prepare, be patient, be alert. What if it doesn't come? So be it. It can't be forced so I might as well sit back and enjoy the ride in a kind of calm alert state, never forgetting to prepare (tho I often do forget).

    This is an absolutely beautiful piece of writing. Treasure it. Great things come from this kind of pressure.

    Change can happen fast. Be ready for it.

    P.S. I think the brain-heart dichotomy is a false one. They're one and the same.

  4. Go three hundred miles to the North, to the Redwood forest near the sea and get its glad tidings.

    In the meantime you have youth, beauty and health.

    Use your gifts in service to mankind.

  5. "Be good, and you will be lonesome" - Samuel L Clemens

  6. Listen to your friends who have made the inner journey successfully. Ignore those who have not.

    Allow friends who have successfully made the inner journey to ask you questions to help guide you. They can not tell you what to do because the journey is unique to you alone. But they can tell you the questions that they found their own answers to that helped them the most. They tell you these because they are trying to help & by answering these questions themselves they found their way out again.

    Listen to the stories they tell of their own inner journeys, but keep in mind that yours is different. They may be similar, and they may not be. Take what lessons you can from their story. Remember their success.

    Have faith. You will make it. You will be stronger in the end.

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