Saturday, December 4, 2010

The moon

I lay on my roof tonight
counting stars
and wishing on those that fail to shoot in the sky

Why have I never seen a shooting star?
Are my wishes being overlooked?
Am I not meant to wish on falling stars?

I don't think I would wish on a falling star
reminds me of that puff the magic dragon episode.
little johnny paper
here it is: (starting at 2:45) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCNbtlbrx5o&feature=related

I don't want to wish fortune on somethings misfortune

But I digress

that moon
its awkward smile caresses my soul

I feel its breath
and it knows me well
for I come out here often as of late.
absorbing its energy
and understanding that this crisp night will produce all the love and good i will need
I will ever need

but is that enough?
are we enough for ourselves?

I am not so sure on either point.
this will take some thinking
but I know my heart yearns to share this night with someone

someone that can appreciate it
and the way in which I see life, the night, and existence

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Breaking the mold


I am ascending from the cave.
Again.

My future is blurry.
inconsistent, wavering
like a mirage in the distance.

But this wind calms me, cools me down
cloaks me in its crisp blanket

and I stood in it. Arms outstretched- eyes closed
taking it in.
evoking that child inside of me

the young woman that takes life by the horns
and is ok with the unknown
relying on fate
and trusting existence.

We lose trust in ourselves and our environment sometimes
attempting to control who we think we should be.
maybe we aren't what we believe we 'should be'
maybe who we are is more beautiful than that pseudo reality.

I want to break the chains I have placed on myself.
the limitations
the 'should's and forceful words
that make it easy to package me in a 3 worded box.

lets stop producing labels
and start evoking the power and love within- no matter how it is perceived
no matter how geeky or stupid it may seem to others

Its time to shine
Its time for my eyes to get used to the brilliance of the sun- the good.

Its time to come out from hiding.
this is me- exposed
this is the good, the bad, the vulnerable

This is my completeness


Take it or leave it.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Thank you David Nolan


This is the end of an era.

We are all in this pilgrimage of our life.
Our souls searching for purpose- exposing ourselves to other souls which could be argued are other versions of ourselves.

We are always learning and growing.
And I am lamenting his loss.
Buckley singing my lamentations as my gratitude for his existence slides down my cheeks
these water droplets are salty.
but are a delicious taste and reminder of my adoration.

Death doesn't scare me
I respect it.
Just as I respect him, his lessons, his continual happy jovial nature.

I spoke with him that same day,
telling him how much I respected him.
Not because of ideology, but because of his fortitude.
He never gave up. He never backed down.

He stood up for other mentors of mine-
He never followed what was popular, but what was right.

He saw more in this existence than material formations.
He saw potential in people like me.
He saw something in me that made me want to work harder for him.

He was the kind of person you Wanted to work hard for.
HE was an inspiration for us entrepreneurs.
For those of us that want to make a difference in our existence.
For those of us that believe in love and sunshine.

David never had a scowl, and in every interaction with me- refused to let me say "i can't"
He pushed me.
He wouldn't Let me give up.

He will be missed.
I can only hope in my limited life to achieve what he has.

I can only hope to take his message and heart-
and spread a fraction of that out.
To give strength to future Allison Gibbs'
To be that flashlight guiding the futures path.

I ask that I understand and execute the lessons his presence has awakened me to.
Thank you David Nolan for being a mentor, a confidant, a source of inspiration, and a good person.

I will miss you terribly
but I will take your passing as the passing of a torch to my generation.
For us to get off our asses and fulfill that inspiration you have ignited in us.

Thank you.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The NAP and Ostracism

How do we define Liberty?

To me its all based on the Non- Aggression Principle and the Free Market analysis.
I choose to live my life as I see fit and believe I should have the freedom to do so as long as I don't initiate force or fraud on another human being. I take it farther than some would, believing that there is bad juju out there that can be defined in my eyes as force. I believe in manipulative emotional force, and I can best describe it as intentionally attempting to harm someone through manipulation tactics. Breaking someone down intentionally through bad juju is unacceptable to me.
The solution for such acts? Well, the anarchist in me says Ostracism. It is key in a free society. You are what you put into the world, and if your output is negative and harming to others, then your reputation will prove your judge and jury.

Ostracism is a free market principle I believe, as is the non agression principle. You must be honest in your dealings and in your nature to be trusted as far as your person and your product. Your name goes a long way in society and adhereing to the NAP helps you to propel in society.

Everyone has the freedom to behave as they see fit, and chances are- if you are adhering to the NAP and folks still attack- that it has something to do within them- not you.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Against the grain

The arms of the future are expanding before me
Opening up
awaiting my entrance.
It lures me in with its loving affectation
and I am drunk on its magnitude

A new channel
A new future

And I won't wait forever

It feels as if I am standing at the edge
My eyes slowly close
producing tears of finalization
and I feel my arms begin to outstretch
until they expand to the point of tingling

I stand, head lifted- intaking that delicate scent of the swaying breeze

I can't wait
for this is the moment when I realize who and what I am

I am free
I am as this breeze, blowing freely
And its time to take that next step
that next step forward
into the unknown
into the future

Why is the future so intriguing to us?
Why do I feel excitement yet fear?

Why, as I stand outstretched- do I bite my lip?

I can't wait forever

Its a new season
And I am ready to take it on
whatever may come.

Because I have a calmness in my heart-
and a desire to remain optimistic.
and I have a tendency to go against the grain.
It is time to give in and let go

This is my signal fire.

It is time to fall into the abyss

and I am letting go
and I am following my heart

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Shooting Stars and Existence

What do we truly believe about reality?
what do we know about what exists outside our perception?

Well, belief or knowledge?

Do we just hope to wish on shooting stars for our fortune
I await that meteor shower next week.
Oh how many potential realities that will come sprinkling down into this atmosphere
Cradling my hope and allowing my mind to believe in something so substantial yet transparent.

But Genies wont dictate your future-
no cosmic entitiy or phenomena will create your perception-
Only you create what exists in the now

To take it back
into the depths of the past
when we were too young to understand existence

Back when I yearned to live rather than exist
and science tingled my spirit
and tumors in the lab moved me to write
caturing my heart
and dissecting the form of love and beauty from it.

But now I venture to see the love in human samples, not just tissues or particles from the sick or troubled
I am moved daily by this world.
Moved to shaking my foundational understanding and constantly redefining my perspective and beliefs.

How beautiful is it to have constant epiphanies?
to see the simple things in life and cherish them, and not caring for the big picture?
To care for all of humanity but it being constantly reaffirmed by the details in individuals

There are more of us like that
More than most see
but lets open our eyes
lets see the beauty in a smile or in someons innocence.

Lets stop generalizing or judging others based on things that dont truly matter in the long run
b/c I am in this for the long haul
The compassion in my chest cant be stopped
And I wont let it be punctuated.

Nothing can stop this heart that beats to the point of exhaustion at times.
And I love those around me.
Those that resonate the forms and I daily learn from.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

you break your neck

to keep your chin up.
And my heart aches.

that murmur in my chest spurs again
causing me to worry about my fate.

One day passed,
now if only one more will I can rest soundly.
just one

Then I can rest forever silent and content.
but I am not done with my work

I am not done in my reaching out.
My purpose lies unfinished.
and I know this

as this pain sinks me in this late hour,
I cannot dispell those beautiful memories

I look in the mirror and those eyes
those, mine steal my soul.
They move me
because they are someone elses.
These eyes arent mine

and they move me to tears
making me realize how fragile life is.

So long ago I saw those eyes looking at me
and I was moved by that set as well.

Like that look could freeze me,
move me,
then leave my perception.

so quickly

those are the eyes in that mirror
looking back at myself
that make me work,
that make me love,
that make me who I am.

Those are why I fight.
Those eyes of a mentor that dissolved long ago.
Kudravi's that soon dissipated
who taught me the true passion of science
who awakened me to my passion

I can only hope these eyes do that for another.
I have to give back.
To give to others
to be that mentor that doesnt wither away into a wooden box
and go underneath.

I love that spark in others when they reactivate or awaken.
There is an essence of beauty.
in that instant
when that light goes on.
it moves me.

how beautiful is this scent?
the essence of this fragrance
captivates my soul
and will not allow that connection to lapse.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

My Theory of Productivity

The world steals my strength sometimes
Feeling that weight on my shoulders
pressing my shoulder blades, cutting through the skin

When will we produce Charity?
When do the symbiotic relationships develop?
And why have I hit a limiting factor?

When will these eyelids feel lighter?
And why do the late nights press on seeming to never end?

Production and results breed respect
Your essence creates positive juju
No matter how loud one gets- what is truly important is their level of productivity.
What results is this person showing? Truly showing?

When will our whispers echo to move mountains?
When will our love force a smile on everything- even the sun?

I never thought I would see it.
Never thought this idealistic heart would succumb to reality.
How delicious is that taste of a job well done.

To see the beauty in all people
to be moved by the wind
to delight in the notion of someone giving of themselves for something larger

to be that spark in the darkness.
That is vigilance
and that is what I seek

That is my essence.
You want to see what I'm made of?
Look at my work
Listen to my words
Know my heart.

It beats on a familiar string,
bouncing dimension of apriori understanding

It contains an insatiable appetite for knowledge
through passion and education
we can truly understand

When will we see
that this world is all conviction based?
When will we see things for what they truly are?

When will we stop running?

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

art as an expression

I sometimes find myself lost
wondering where to turn
who to trust
what it is that I truly love

Sometimes I miss myself

And sometimes I just long to be alone
To create
to nurture my passion for writing

because art can express so much more
we have to be a movement of expression
we have to create a niche and market within the art community

I sometimes feel that this movement shuns
the passionate artist
so focused on logic and debate
on arrests and video

rather than those that create abstract lessons
or use words that can capture someones heart and mind

lets build a community of artists
lets use creativity to express our reason and love

Necessity of Substance

The waves crashed upon my soul the other night.
relieving me from my inner furnace.
All that boils this heart of mine.

Sometimes we get carried away when we think we should be having our fun
When we reject that which binds us- finding complete freedom

Will we ever learn?

That it isnt just our logic that dictates our freedom?
That no matter how many times you read Rothbard, Hayek, or Rand
that who you truly are cant be find within their pages
It rests in your existence.

It exudes from you
it perspires
in such a delicate way, that the beauty of your heart intermingled with you actions and how you treat others creates you

Lets stand for more than script in black and white
Lets withstand constraining ourselves to text and tradition

Lets break free of the realm of debate and cliche

Lets Exude our essences.
Lets inspire others through example
Lets love unconditionally and be open to claiming when we are wrong
Lets own our failure
and learn from it.

Lets create Charity
and give back
lets change the way we live
and the way we impact this world.

Join Me.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

We are never alone

I breathe a sigh of relief
Its over
and I am free

Free from the chains of previous lives
From the questioning of myself
From not being enough
From not fulfilling the role asked of me

For I don't even fit the role I set for myself at the beginning

But the beautiful thing about life is that
there is no role

And I see that now

I am a phoenix rising from what others expect me to be
And I won't except anything less than love
Intrinsic- Pure love

I Love this movement
And I keep breathing
No matter what- my lungs are full

And that white diamond above me pours in all the love I need for myself
The red swirling is cleansing me
And I don't expect anyone to complete me.


Noone can complete you but yourself.
I start back alone on this journey
But I know others are with me.
And there are moments where my breath is taken away.

Where a silent car ride answers every question I have
and that northern California breeze sings me to sleep
And awakens thinking of me as well

I long to hear its song drift me to sleep
And I know in those momenst that I am all I need.
All that I desire is before me

And it is all perception

I have a theory to publish
Nothing can stop us from our destiny

And though I may plump up
Though I may commit altruisim for those I love most

I will never be alone.
We are never alone

:)

Sunday, May 23, 2010

This Atlas is Shrugging

How long until the hard workers of this moevement reap their just rewards?
Or give up in the end?
When will we learn to stop propping up projects and people for the sake of the movement?

Its in our blood.
Its our essence.
To give all we are for conviction based ideology.
We are the Atlas' of society.

and though I proclaim that the essence of "too big to fail" in the monetary circles is inherently flawed,
I execute this ideology and actions with activists and projects "too big to fail".

I am burnt out.
and dissapoiinted.
not only in myself in adhering to this continual state of emergency- continually picking up the slack for others,or keeping projects from dissipating.
but I am dissapointed in those that use the Atlas' in this movement for their own ambition.

Dont start a project- not follow through- use others to fix it- then claim it was your doing.
Ayn Rand was right and I am beginning to appreciate her work.

This Atlas right here is shrugging
time to look after myself and those that do good work and are consistent.
This is a LOVElution.,,

It isnt about celebrities or minimalist projects.
It isnt about percentage cuts or incentives.
This isnt a competition- its our future.

Its about the Fucking Movement.
Its about me wanting to help create a world for my children to flourish as individuals
Its about understanding the virtues and what they entail.
Its about individualism.

And I will no longer go into a collective to save a decaying project.
I won't be your failsafe.

Such a beautiful taste on my lips to say that.
Individualism relies on the most important libertarian belief:
Personal responsibility.

I have been considering going back into science or at least going underground.
Working another angle.
Following one of my other passions (science, philosophy, writing, art).

I won't support those who arent philosophically sound.
I wont compromise my convictions for the sake of a falsified friendship or any other relationship.

I don't react well to force.
And you can only push Atlas far enough, filling his back.
Before he shrugs.
Before another hard worker dissipates into the private sector once again.
Before a doer retires from taking on the burdens of others.

Appreciate the Atlas' in your life. Appreciate yourself.
Follow through
without excuses- without blame.

Its time to take a step in my own direction.
To take care of myself and those I love.

to focus on curing my metasticized cells.
to focus on giving and conceiving life for those that cant
those that have impacted not only my life but countless others.
That person deserves my unending loyalty.

I am following through with my dreams.
I want to publish my philosophical theory.
I want to love.

And I wont put my life on hold anymore.

Appreciate the doers in your life.
Give back to them.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

I need an answer

The news hit me like a brick wall
and after the collision i sit and wait for a potential aftershock.

What are we?
i don't believe that we are a compilation of our physical parts
i don't believe we are a bundle of energy.

We have life, and we have the ability to breathe it into others
if we choose to do so.
I want to breath positive life
and i will spend my life doing so

noone can stop me
no thing can stop me
no agent, no genetic inhabitant can destroy this resolve in my chest.

I understand the forms
the virtues
and i want to live in harmony with them

upon new findings I am have more resolve to not accept the providence that I have been given.
the one time i disagree with Emerson.
I don't accept the reality of the given situation

But in my head
all i see scares me.

Its that epic battle between the mind and the heart.
what is to come?
what new evidence will be brought forth

is this my eternal sleeping space?
will I achieve more than I have?
have i learned all i am meant to?

to brush up close
to breathe in that foul breath
of death
won't be the first time I have encountered a passing
and it won't be the last

a new self emerges out of every important interaction
and we are continually changing
just as a hand in the river

so i speak softly
awaiting word
for a new understanding
of life, of fate

I need an answer
for myself

the wind

Afain

I breathe you in
intoxicating scent.

hanging on a wire
proclaiming sancutary

The breeze speaks to me
and my soul feels old.
I feel ages old in this moment.

As the wind brushes my being.

i long for the west coast.
a calling. fate, or just coincidence.

location is merely where your body rests.
it doesnt entail the mind actually being there.


these words on my toungue taste bittersweet
and I am unsure of this meaning
but i write
compelled by the suns gaze

and this wind.
brushing my hair back form my sun chapped shoulders

eyes closed, taking it in
just resonating with this incredible wind

i am glad noone is watching
that this moment is mine
for me
for this moment

and I get to interpret it just for myself

Monday, April 19, 2010

What is important?

i feel the tug at my sleeve
The one I wear my heart on.
and The days are growing in ways I had not imagined
Out rather than up

It spins ever so fast
but the stars still move me with every tilt of the earth

what string of this existence is beign plucked?
What melodic note am I in the middle of?

Fate is changing its face with every turn I make,
and I am not completely sure of my locality or proximity to the cause

I need a GPS
but I fear even then I would elude the ping of the satellite

and how I envy that sattelite-
existing within those stars that cause vaporous tears to descend down my cheeks.

I wonder where my own quark is
my completing element in this existence

Where are our intrinsic desires?
within us?
pinged into existence by these metaphorical satellites?

Or do we float among the stars?
somehow finding untiy and affinity within their twinkling eyes?
is that where we feel most safe?

Where is it that I exist in communion with the forms?
When do we understand the completeness of such delicacies as beauty and love?

Those are the wonderful delights of this world- not the frustrating times, or the descent-
but the love.
the passion
the devotion
the loyalty to compassion.

Embrace that side of you
and feed that childish wonder inside of you.
Let's truly live

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Revival

The beauty of this day tears my eyes.
one glance moves me
sequestering me into this daze
Where my memory sways so delicately

I danced in the shower this morning
feeling those droplets of water tap down my back
and a rush of giggles came forth from my soul

how i love mornings
and the silly nature that lies inside of myself
embodied deep within my spirit

I close my eyes to the sound
the sound of the rushing wind
as it blows back my hair
and cleanses my spirit of negative thoughts

I am revived

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Burning Out

From my mouth springs forth tales.

Tales of envisionary loves
Uncasting dilemmas
and a new found awakening of my spirit.

My head echoes tha tof my heart
and the hear of my spirit resonates through the last 27 years.

Nothin can stop this force.
Not that of death or misfortune.

This passion exists exponentially
This pressure in my chest.
This sense of purpose.

My eyes turn to love over all else.
Charity- devotion- adoration.

We must continue to do whats right.
Though these miles divide us- nothing can extinguish the fire within us.
This phoenix is rising- and we are riding on its wings.

We can't let go though the heights to which we soar may be fearful.
We are rising.
Because of you. Because of your work.

Lets look at this in a positive light.
Lets not douse ourselves with the gasoline of anger and light the match of frustration....
That only leads to us getting burnt out.

Instead lets blossom as the Lily.
The beauty of this flower produces much more effective outcomes than the man on fire.

Lets rise in our pursuits apart of the same cloth.
Lets stand together in our convictions.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

This is my rant

I am the quiet type
I glimmer and shine with those that I love
With philosophical conversations
and the speak of microbiology or parasites.
With those I radiate and verbalize that which I know.

I also love opening to positive natures and free spirits.
This spirit will aid anyone in need as long as the non aggression principle is followed.

That being said-
Here is my rant.

This movement, to me, is about furthering the ideals of a liberty based society.
Not infighting,
not personal attacks,
no dramatic insignificance.

I refuse to be involved in such-
I let my passion and work speak for itself.
No defense, no need for it
for one's presence will radiate through their nature and works.

I feel the need to express my frustration with the movement at this point.

There is so much beauty- and progress being made.... why don't we focus on that?
Why do we fall victim and revel in x vs. x arguments?

This movement and all organizations and individuals within it are voluntary associations.
Lets focus on the free market principles and personal responsibility we always proclaim to others.
If we choose to not associate with a certain organization- free market principles would suggest to start a competing organization that is as effective as you personally would dictate for it to be and that healthy competition between the two groups would encourage both to improve.
And if that group is truly not running effectively, it will perish.
Isn't that what the free market would decide?
Isn't that what we say about voluntary associations?

I never understood when some get mad about a group or person's work and just rely on attacks rather than solutions such as creating a competing group, etc.

I see this movement as being a positive influence on the world. It surely has been a positive influence on me. I have learned and grown so much in the last year.

I have learned how to say no. I have learned that my time is valuable to myself. That working every night until 3 AM isn't going to work for much longer. That burning out physically isn't going to make me productive in the future.

Lets focus on staying positive, and living liberty in every ounce of our daily lives- including relationships with those we love and those we have difficulty with.
Lets follow the non aggression principle. Lets live voluntarily.

I would rather spend my time focusing on ending the big government state and spreading good juju to those that need it.

We have to keep those awakened energized and passionate. That comes from our own passion. If we all are worn down dealing with basic drama we won't have enough for ourselves or awakening others to Liberty.

Why would anyone want to embrace the principles of Rothbard from someone that talks poorly of others or through negative verbal aggression?

Lets think on how we can spread the message through awakening others and igniting that spark again in those of us that have the capability of spreading the message.

Without more in the movement, we are only a fixed pie. I know I don't want that.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The beauty in opening your Heart

A lot of folks have a hesitency to open up to others.
To show their vulnerability.

I argue that to truly see the form world or to be happy
you MUST put yourself- your Whole self- out there

I think part of your hesitancy to open up is that you're afraid of making mistakes.
The thought process that if your going to do something you want to think it through.
You want to ensure mistakes Aren't made.

But half of the beauty in seeing the light and opening up IS making mistakes.

To create the most growth you need to be open

BUT you have made mistakes BY waiting it out- by your methodical calculations.
Its like the vulnerable argument I have so often.

you have to get into it if you want to get the maximum happiness from it

you cant stand around the pool putting your toe in it- testing the waters

you have to jump in
and Yes, you may land on your belly and it may sting
but at least you can now enjoy the pool
and the majesty of the water.

and
now we can play marco polo
or whatever game we want!

and you will get Pruney
but the happiness will outweigh the physical conditions

So lets Take the plunge and Choose to truly live with one another.
Not to get something
But to enjoy and learn from one another.

If anything Existence is overplayed.
Truly Living is that which all happiness derives.




Monday, January 11, 2010

This year is to you.

I have spent the last few days attempting to figure out what this years goals will be.
How will it be different from last year?

and it hit me last night. in a dream.

This year is to you.
To you out there that have given their last breath to what is right.
To those of you that know what is important in life.

To you who easily sweep the stress from your shoulders.
This year is to you.

We have to give to ourselves if we ever wish to give to others.
It has taken me 27 years to see this, and I am finally beginning to embrace it.
We have to focus on those that enrich our lives.


This year I will not work until the wee hours of the morning.
This year I will do more of what I love: writing

I will give back to you-
who have inspired me to be a better person.

To you who have shown me what love and devotion are.
To those of you taht have stayed up till 4 am with me contemplating lifes purpose.
You- who let my philosophical side take over and listen intently to my thoughts on love, life, and metaphysical quandries.

To those of you that listen to me ramble my antiwar views.

I want to dedicate this year to you, and most of all your happiness.

Its time to give back the joy that you have given me.
Its time to appreciate life- and truly live.

Thank you for being the example.

thank you for awakening me from my sleep.

Thank you for your existence. You are truly an inspiration.