Tuesday, February 10, 2009

remember to breathe

Remeber the first breath....
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

I breathe out slowly... watching the carbon dioxide escape my lips.

I watch this slowly. Subconciously awaiting the oxygen to be drawn in... to remember that I am alive... and still breathing.

is that messed up? or is it a beautiful fact that we all underneath desire to exist- to be alive?

I know I am thankful to feel my heartbeat. To awake in the morning wiht my first thought always being "thank you for letting me live another day". And I always close my eyes tight, just to take that extra moment to show that first breath a sens eof appreciation.

I dont tell many ppl my inner thoughts... that my sentimentality extends to something as silly as waking in the morning...

but I think that helps explain me. Who I am- what i desire out of life- and what makes me happy. I am not hard to please. I just ask for appreciation- that is it.

Acceptance of my sappy side- adn respect of my mind and heart.

And awaiting in the morning is the most beautiful moment to me- the intake and exhale. The initial opening of your eyes- and that initial glance.... it gives me goosebumps just to think of it.

How is it that something so simple can move us? Can change how our day plays out?

And yet- we find ourselves far from that the moment we step foot out the door? That we lose ourselves?
But sometimes we need to remember that intial breath. That we exist alone in times... such as in the mornings. It is just us and the Good for that first second. As if you wake and he pumps that first breath into you. And it tastes so sweet. No judgements, no worries, just bliss.

If only every breath could taste so sweet and soft rolling up our tongues.

Remember the first breath.

Allison

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The beats of my heart

I felt my heart beat tonight.

Felt it forcing my blood through its chambers and redistribute.

And I felt it. In my bones- in my core. For the first time in so long. I caught myself smirk to it. As if it was a cute memory I had long forgotten.

And I lay here- in this moment drumming my heart beats- thumping moments of my life- on my chest. Why?

To remind myself of the taps.

It is the small taps through life that qualitatively define us. Aid us. Converge our lives with others. Force us to reminisce in the beauty that is life.And remind us that we are still breathing.

Still here. Still contain meaning- and dimension.

And I remember moments where I lay next to others and did this- none understanding- why Ifelt it so important to listen to their heart. To drum the revolutions of their heart.

And why I grieve each time an Aortic valve is sent to the lab. And why I am the first to speak up my desire to handle such a divine specimen.

And each grind of the tissue makes my heart cry out. Lamenting the passage of the taps that have long since faded. Someone has to miss the beats. Miss what never will be.

Life begins and life ends... but do we truly appreciate that essence while it is around?
Or do we daily rewrite our own obituary? Detailing what we have accomplished and rejecting what we have yet to?

I refuse to accept the notion that the best days are behind us. Individually and collectively.

We can change things. We can relearn the appreciation for our past symbiosis.

We can retain the essences of appreciation and love. With each small tap.

The only thing is- we have to silence ourselves long enough to hear them. You have to see them for what they are.... the essence of existence.

The small things in this world keep us going. That is- if we stop long enough to realize what is happening. To see this world, its inhabitants, and the seemingly insignificant for what they really are.

Art. Beauty. Completeness.

And I can tell you from personal experience... never have I felt more one with another person than when we both stop to listen to one anothers heart.

There truly is something amazing about it.

We have to be that for one another also. We have to listen to one another.. we have to go back to the golden rule. Appreciate the little things in life... and not continually look for quick gratification.

If you listen close enough... everything will fit.

Thank you for waking me. And reviving the blood flow.

This life is a gift. We are all gifts to one another. We have to understand and appreciate the little things in life. The heart beats of life.

Friends, family, new conversations, a shy smile, a simple reminder of appreciation, a kind word

we have to start giving again. Not with the desire to receive reciprocation-

But because it is right.

Because we set ourselves to a higher standard.

Because we know in our hearts its the right way to live.

Because we have a desire to give.

And above all.....

In our heart of hearts-

We know the good Will win out!

Thank you for being those gentle taps in my chest. I appreciate them more than you may ever know.

Allison