Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The beats of my heart

I felt my heart beat tonight.

Felt it forcing my blood through its chambers and redistribute.

And I felt it. In my bones- in my core. For the first time in so long. I caught myself smirk to it. As if it was a cute memory I had long forgotten.

And I lay here- in this moment drumming my heart beats- thumping moments of my life- on my chest. Why?

To remind myself of the taps.

It is the small taps through life that qualitatively define us. Aid us. Converge our lives with others. Force us to reminisce in the beauty that is life.And remind us that we are still breathing.

Still here. Still contain meaning- and dimension.

And I remember moments where I lay next to others and did this- none understanding- why Ifelt it so important to listen to their heart. To drum the revolutions of their heart.

And why I grieve each time an Aortic valve is sent to the lab. And why I am the first to speak up my desire to handle such a divine specimen.

And each grind of the tissue makes my heart cry out. Lamenting the passage of the taps that have long since faded. Someone has to miss the beats. Miss what never will be.

Life begins and life ends... but do we truly appreciate that essence while it is around?
Or do we daily rewrite our own obituary? Detailing what we have accomplished and rejecting what we have yet to?

I refuse to accept the notion that the best days are behind us. Individually and collectively.

We can change things. We can relearn the appreciation for our past symbiosis.

We can retain the essences of appreciation and love. With each small tap.

The only thing is- we have to silence ourselves long enough to hear them. You have to see them for what they are.... the essence of existence.

The small things in this world keep us going. That is- if we stop long enough to realize what is happening. To see this world, its inhabitants, and the seemingly insignificant for what they really are.

Art. Beauty. Completeness.

And I can tell you from personal experience... never have I felt more one with another person than when we both stop to listen to one anothers heart.

There truly is something amazing about it.

We have to be that for one another also. We have to listen to one another.. we have to go back to the golden rule. Appreciate the little things in life... and not continually look for quick gratification.

If you listen close enough... everything will fit.

Thank you for waking me. And reviving the blood flow.

This life is a gift. We are all gifts to one another. We have to understand and appreciate the little things in life. The heart beats of life.

Friends, family, new conversations, a shy smile, a simple reminder of appreciation, a kind word

we have to start giving again. Not with the desire to receive reciprocation-

But because it is right.

Because we set ourselves to a higher standard.

Because we know in our hearts its the right way to live.

Because we have a desire to give.

And above all.....

In our heart of hearts-

We know the good Will win out!

Thank you for being those gentle taps in my chest. I appreciate them more than you may ever know.

Allison

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