Wednesday, November 11, 2009

All I See Scares Me

All I See Scares Me

I believe this is true for all humans.
Fear is a factor of life.
Yet we spend our lifetimes denying it as such.

It is seen as weakness- defeat.


But maybe not.
Maybe fear is a virtue- a form.

That there is a simplistic beauty in this natural phenomena.

Maybe it takes us accepting that premise
to open up that part of ourselves

To hatch a new perspective~

To see that majesty blossom.

That in our pain we will find what makes us beautiful.
Maybe true courage isn't overcoming a fear
but rather recognizing that which makes us fearful.

Introspection into our hidden compartments
the ones we stow away or ignore.

Maybe true understanding of ones self isn't in the accomplishments-
but in what we deem as faults.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Who is to blame?

Do you ever sometimes feel helpless?
Like your desire outstretches your ability?
Like your heart flutters but your body can't move?

Its a catch 22.
You want to be there- to help
but Time or distance cant seem to catch up with you.
Its hopeless.
You just have to sit and watch it unfold.

Sit and wait.
I think every ounce of my "JuJu" is overseas.
I know its a long distance, and I hope some hasn't fallen to the depths of the Ocean,
Submerged in political clout

Because no matter what side of the war you are on
The soldiers are still humans.
They are still individuals.
And any life lost is a travesty.

I would argue they shouldn't be over there,
and that our Govt has caused this atrocity.
But where do you place the soldier?

Where do I place my friends over there?
Where do I place that one in particular- that is one of the closest people to me?
Because I don't see him as a "soldier"
I see him as the Anthropology major that got me interested in Genghis Khan.
The one that opened my eyes to perspectives I hadn't previously considered.
I see the human side.

To me he is an individual.
And I blame those that made Iraq and Afghanistan an option or rather a force.
Those that hide the option of being a "contentious objector"
I think those that enacted this are the ones at fault.

I feel the same about the Afghan people. They are individuals.
Their death is horrendous just the same.

But where is that line drawn?
Its hard to decipher.

What do you think?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The passing of time.

I feel like I have lost something.

Misplaced a part of me.... somewhere in the unknown of existence.
but We all contain differing parts of our being.

These tears won't cease to fall from my cheeks.
And I can feel my heartbeat.
It is the loudest I have heard it beat in a long time.

Sometimes potential loss does that to us.
Makes us see our vulnerability.
Realize that we are truly alive.

I have had notable people in my life pass...
It was the hardest thing to get through,
and I am very loyal to people, before and after their life has blessed me.
I recognize how much a life means.


My heart cringes at the thought of someone dying alone.
With noone to love or caring for them.
This adds to my lifes mission.
To sincerely showcase the care I have for those in my life-
both close and far away.
And to appreciate their existence.

Some call it vulnerability
some see it as a vice.
I think true strength is beign able to put yourself out there-
exposed and open to all of the elements.

Not everyone will understand- but that is the beauty in it.
That you are the example you wish from others.

You care for those that may disagree with you,
You do whatever you can for your brethren.
You fight for what is right.

It has to be in your soul.
In your being.

But when that type of soul is diminished or taken-
It haunts you.
Hurts you to the core.
Because those type of ppl are rare.

The ones that can change your mood in an instant.
That are positive through anything,
That are pure of heart.

Those people should be missed.
Should be cared for.
Should be appreciated every day they are on earth.


Please locate those people and be the change you wish to see.
thank you.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Defending Civil Liberties.

Out of the rain.
Laying myself to dry in the suns heat.
Cleansing me
and drying these tears from my eyes.

When will this stop?
When will we demand more for ourselves?

How do we find our way back down?
To get out of what we never chose to get into?

What will it take to demand respect for one anothers lives, property, and happiness?

It kills me
Tears open my idealistic soul
And makes me that much more vigilant.

Maybe i am too in tune with the envisionment of freedom.
Maybe I care too much.
Maybe I am foolish in my empathy for those that just don't know any better.
That we can change, that anyone from any part of the spectrum can be awakened to liberty.

But this weekends events have made question that.
This in particular: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akwjAjcQnqM&feature=player_embedded

Are we preaching to ourselves?
Will we ever awaken those that blindly follow orders?
Those that don't see the danger in our friends and family being in Iraq, Sommalia, Afghanistan, or Iran?
Those that watch that link and react with acceptance of those that follow lock step to the point of inflicting violence on citizens....

Will we ever change them through logic?
Through Love?
Through this idealistic heart?
This heart that carries the worlds burdens?

What can you and I do to relieve this discontent on others?
When will we unite as a force,
not to appease one side or another
not to make friends
not to water down the message for the sake of outside groups

but to do so FOR THE MOVEMENT
to do WHAT IS RIGHT.

I am in this fight for life.
I am willing to fight.
Join me.

Lets use our lives and voices to save lives- to unite others- to use conviction to help awaken others.
Lets Band together and fight these giants out to take our freedoms from us.

LET's Defend our Civil Liberties and others lives, both domestic and abroad.

These people are us transposed. Lets look out for one another. Lets fight back.

Monday, September 7, 2009

the disconnect

What has happened?
At what point do you lose yourself in work?
And how can you differentiate work from pleasure?

I am worn out.
My head spins like a carousel.
tired.
But still chugging. Still fighting.
Still pushing for what is right.

Are we no longer going to go back to our old life?
When my biggest worry was what my weekend would consist of
My old chamber in the Microbio lab.
Where I would excitedly put on my scrubs, head to work, and await what infectious disease I was working with that day.

And honestly- I miss it.
I miss the beautiful smell of petri dishes
Miss telling parasite stories to my colleagues and them getting it.
I miss science. sincerely.

It is so different now.
Where there isn't a time to clock out-
Where your work life and personal life are interconnected.

Where has my private life gone?
At what point did I trade in the simple life for this one?

But I have found my place in the sun,
What I adore-
this movement
those within it.

I couldn't ask for more of a purpose than what I am embedded in right now.

But I miss my friends from Atlanta and Charleston,
Miss that I can see them regularly.
Miss my family,
miss the adventures we have had.

But I finally saw its face.
Saw it creep in like the night. and show me.
this is what I am meant to do.
My calling. Fate. Purpose.
And I couldn't thank you enough for what you have done for this movement.


We have to support one another.
Loyalty.
Devotion.
We have to look out for one another.
This is my promise.

T devote myself to this movement.
Work until we achieve Liberty.
For in my heart of hearts I know we Will achieve Liberty in our Lifetime

We are brothers and sisters in this fight.
And the trivial life of yesteryear seems like a transient dream.
Who we were, who we are.

The beauty of it all is to see where we were,
and take that knowledge and reach out.
To embrace that part of ourselves, and keep it close.
Tuck it into our new selves and use it to change the world.
Changing it one relationship and one person at a time.

I breathe.
And awaken to this reality.
And I don't appreciate it enough.
we don't appreciate this movement enough.

And we tend to lose ourselves.
Burn ourselves out.
give too much
not make time for our personal selves.

But we have to look out for one another.
So if you see someone in need- please look after them.
Lets be a family within this movement!

Friday, July 31, 2009

Autonomy and the movement

How many flights must we take until we realize that we can soar above the clouds on our own?
That the limitation of gravity is a fallacy?
All we have to do is wake up.

The images we see are truly upside down- Our mind flips them.

How does this reality the truth confine us to the audacity of gravity and physics grasp on our lives?

We need to wake up.

No one limits you but yourself.
YOU hold yourself in bondage.
You choose to follow lies.
You choose to believe half truths.


When will we make our own dreams?
When do we say no to government intrusions?
When will us as a people deny our privacy rights from being taken?
When will we reject the status quo?
When do we fight instead of merely react?

This reality isn't my dream.
It isn't the life I want to live.
And I will not stop until my desires for myself are met.
For me-
For my family-
For the future of the young liberty lovers out there.


We fight for you.

Let's not mitigate the movement to borders and limiting forces, but rather to all of the revolutionaries out there.
Lets change the way we live.
Lets decide for ourselves what to accept.
Lets meet our Own needs instead of forcing it from others.

Lets unite under the banner of Love.

Lets unite under the notion that as individuals, our autonomy limits us in nothing but the use of force on others.
Lets wake ourselves, then spend our lives unchaining others.


We can enact this change- all we need to do is reject what we have been given and begin to fight.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Waking Life

Sometimes I think about levitation.
Not in the sense of a spiritual phenomena
but rather the physics behind it.

To rise,
Staring into the eyes of Gravity
and rejecting its existence.

Equating you with a feather blowing in the wind.
How beautiful those moments are.

When we learn to let go.
When we allow ourselves to rise above the constraints of this world.
when we truly live.

We allow material representations synonymous with gravity keep us from acheiving our potential.
I reject this notion.
Lets release our fears- our limitations- our grasp on control or its force on us.
Lets float above this, and focus on what we could be rather than what someone else says we are.

Lets truly live.

Lets awaken life.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The beauty of fear s demise

To wait.

anticipation growing
that never ending sleep that I find myself clinging to


for all I see

scares me.


What causes fear to sit in our chest?
to capsulate our hearts?
to leave us lying dormant?


anticipating intent
clouding our miniature window of perception

When will we learn to break the glass?
to see the world for what it truly is?
beyond the range and limitations of this world?


That this being- this realm
means nothing-
that shattering the glass ceiling- still leaves you cut and bleeding?

The world- if you enslave yourself to imprison yourself to its mediums and traditions
will limit you
and what you can achieve.

We need to look beyond this fear
and this physical illusion

Learn to truly awaken
stop enslaving ourselves- and one another

and break free form the constraints of fear, and perception.


Lets learn what it truly means to love
to care for others and ourselves
to truly appreciate what is around us.
rather than fight- lets awaken to the notion of beauty within every thorn.

Learn to look at those wrinkles-
and instead of seeing pain
realize that those folds are moment in time
moments that taught you
allowed you to appreciate this moment.

taught you how to appreciate fully
how to truly love
and how to accept truth.

Lets stand up for ourselves
and fight back in methods of love and solitude.

Lets unite
and stand together.

Fear may try to distract us-
but these relationships we make with one another are the way to freedom.

True freedom.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Sunshine

the ripple in the oceans waves moved me that day
Led me to a place inside myself I had long forgotten about
potentially abandoned.

And I saw the world for what it truly was.
and I embraced it.

the purity in the breeze,
the longing in the suns kiss on my cheeks.

I witnessed it.
for my very own

I awoke from that cave
traveling up the ascent.
and into the reality of the world

the realization that this world is beyond this materialistic realm
its about our hearts.
our appreciation
our sincerity

Its about that heart beat.
our hearts tap to someone elses ears.

and i felt that again.
what i felt when i was a child.
that moment

as my ear was hearing the echoing of that hearts thump
I travelled back to that moment
when everything in this world made sense.

when I awoke in Plato's cave
and experienced the world anew.
when I could lay with that sun and its shine forever

when leaving its presence was my only fear in the world.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Disrespect is an artform

Moments hit us sometimes
Shut us down immediately.


I hate those moments.
Maybe its my perception taking hold of myself.
Maybe reality isn't as I proposed.

Either way-
things happen as they will to a varying degree.

But I refuse to be brought down by unresponsive ears.

Refuse to give time to those who, in a moment's notice, will disrespect you in their voice.

Respect is earned.
And if someone gives their effort, time, distance, and strength towards helping you out- you never disrespect them.

Learning lessons is hard- but needed.
that is something I am learning.
I had become a simple souvenir of someone's kill

how does one disengage?
Disrespect is an artform.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Fatalistic dead ends

What is life?
Merely a sequence of exits
On an outstretched interstate??
Full of wrong directions,
misinterpreted signals,
and beautiful landscapes?

Or is the interstate theory a man-made creation?

Maybe there is no one path
but rather a series of detours leading us
in essence
where we choose.

Allowing us to choose our own dead-ends

For what is a dead end?
To me-
its a new beginning
a new change of scenery
a chance

to illuminate a new spark
within us
within others
within those special to us.

For, no matter where life leads us...
we choose how we perceive it.
We ultimately decide
how we will live
who we awaken
and how we treat one another

Because that is the Most important aspect of us humans.....
Who we take our trip with-
And who we leave stranded along the way.....

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

My ramblings on love/vulnerability

Do we exert our perception on ideas?
Is it as someone clarified-
that elements within oneself are directly reflected onto our perception of the world?
or does the positive forces on the world exist independently of our perception?

How do we then perceive love?
What is the cost of love?
Is the reflection of the love within ourselves?
Do some of us scrounge for change of love under the couch of our soul
As some are loaded with a trust fund of adoration?

How do we define love?
how is it perceived
and are the two compatible?


I would argue love is independent of our perception.
I say this because I have felt love-
filling my chest, forcing a smile consistently

and though a day was bad-
that love lifted my sorrow and expunged it.
If it had been a shadow of my own attained virtues, I would have had sorrow.

Love,and the underlying factor- vulnerability- led me to have that ability.
To soar above the clouds of distress, and relish the moment.

There are different forms of love, and I can imagine what true love tastes like
sweet and delicious.
Just like that first feeling when you realize that you gave over your real self, allowed others to see you-
you
without worry of wounds or facades.
True openness. True vulnerability

and I don't see my perception of love as being what is contained in me- replicated- and shadowed on something beyond myself

Sunday, May 10, 2009

To begin again

The late nights stagnant air clings to my cheeks
And I wonder
what has led me to this one spot

what chain of events has given way so that I can become complete?

so many minute lifetimes, stories, existences
wrapped into one life.

And through it all l I have shown one thing:
vulnerability
an ability to give myself over to what was meant to happen

and what is there to say to those havent felt the heartache as I have?
those that felt free away from pain?

I would argue that without the vulnerability I wouldnt have felt that heartache
but congruently
I wouldnt have experienced that feeling
the one in particular
that tingles through your bones, when you hear that persons voice or see their presence

The feeling that moves you to tears
that cascades your chest and fills you face with painful smiles
forcing your lips to open wide

That sensation is worth the vulnerability or potentiality for heartache

maybe I am just a sentimental idealist.
or foolish

but my heart tells me that good things are bound to happen
with drive, and belief in the goodness that fills this world.
I am amazed every day to the beauty of this world.
It moves me
to tears
And I sway to its current.
Awaiting for what it has in store.
And relishing in every minute of it.

Welcoming that tingling sensation to commence.
Ah,
to truly live.
I couldnt be happier.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Intrinsic Value

What do we account for?

The intrinsic value of an individual.
Can it be measured with Aristotelian principles?
Can we extricate metaphysic essences from a being?
Was Plato right all along?


Maybe we are a culmination of virtues
or forms
and perception conditions our idea of Evil.
Isnt it plausible to assume evil is in direct relationship to our rejection or ignorance of the virtues?
That we are all intrinsicly good?

But yet what is the loss of a loved one?
How can that be our perception?
It is a horrible thing to lose someone you love
either by unending dreams
or heartbreak

Sometimes All I see
Scares me.
Why is this?

Fear of the unknown?
Fear of sadness, regret, loss?
Isnt fear a figment of our perception?
I would argue so, but it is apart of us
The physical realm.
The Aristotelian perspective.

But I think We have to see what we are made of.
What lies underneath this cloak of the physical.
To our hearts
To our intrinsic value
Our essence.
And I could never say that the essence contains a negative virtue.

Because people deep down
want the best.
Have a purified heart-
until perception invades.

We have to look past this.
And see one another for what we are.
And embrace it.
Nurture it.
And watch it blossom.

I know its true.
I see it.

Lets realize our virtues and use them to ignite a spark
in this perceptualized dim world.

Lets teach the world to care again.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Control

Do we know what we desire?
In our hearts?
Do we know now- in this moment- that all will be ok?
Have we come to terms with the notion that sometimes things won't work out?
And that the initial idea was justified and called for?

I am learning some hard lessons with life

That there are some things in this world that no amount of effort can fix.
That your heart may be sincere-
and though you try with all your might-
somethings just aren't meant to be.

I have spent my life attempting to prove this idea wrong.
Proving that the good will always win out
and that it is our narrow scope that eludes us to the inner voice of dissent.

But my life has had some futile conclusions-
where no matter what I did, how hard I worked, how much time and love I put into something-
it just didn't work out.
I couldn't change what I couldn't control.

Control.
I detest that word.
but I see myself hoping for a particular outcome
then attempting to make it so
only to my own disappointment

And this goes for anything in life.

When will we let go of needing outcomes?
when will we see that things will happen as they should
that no matter the intensity of your manipulation-
heartache, sickness, death
will always be a continual potential outcome in our lives?

Its all about how you handle it.
Take life as it comes
or spend your last breath attempting to stall the inevitable.

I dont want to participate in the latter anymore.
I don't want to continually set myself up
only to be let down.
I don't want to expect an imaginary outcome
But I still want to believe that the good will win out.
I think we all want to believe that
because we know it is true

so the key is to let go.
Trust in the forms.
the movement.
ourselves.
And lets see where it takes us.

:)

Monday, April 13, 2009

Truth in the Holy City

It amazes me every time
Eyes Brighten,
Heart Beats faster,
Cheeks grow pink and warm
And a permanent look of tranquility cascades over your face

The moment you realize that this particular moment
That essence of time:
triggers something inside-
Melting you to your core

The moment you realize
everyone is interconnected
That you profess beliefs-
Sometimes so idealistic that you can no longer see the ground -
that are appreciated and notated,
transcribed and translated out of anothers mouth.

That you have just gotten to the heart of the matter
That all the time you have spent exposing your soul
Hasn't gone unnoticed
and Exists outside of your own perception

I felt this
amidst the Holy City
with one of my favorite people in existence

And as she spoke I felt as if that moment
That particular string of seconds
were meant just where they were
that fate, time, chance all cullminated to that conversation

And it unified the trip
and we both left today better people
stronger in our convictions
a firm friendship that not even time could destroy

I had battled with that city
fought
and gave all i had to it
And last I knew- it had defeated me

but it hadn't

For those that fight for what is right in this world will always face a choice-
the choice to allow perception to evade our logic
or to realize that our perception distorts what truth is.

We have to see beyond this simplistic realm.
We have to realize that what we are fighting for is worth it
That sometimes the ones who are the most sincere, the most honest, the fighters
will endure more
but it is real- honest- appreciated by those that endure the same

it is worth the fight.
we are worth the fight.

And you arent alone in seeing that we- the movement- the loyal supporters of truth and beauty- will win out in the end.

This struggle is worth the outcome. just wait. you will see

Friday, April 10, 2009

The truth of the movement

We have a tendency to constrain ourselves.
Keep oneself from going too far-

But what is too far?
Who determines those parameters?
Who is to say one tries too hard, or loves too deeply?
Can we possibly care too much?

To revel in the thoughts of others
To feel that passion for something
an affinity


We feel compelled at times
and I would argue that feeling in ones chest is fate and the Forms forcing us to recognize what is right....

to play out the scenario in which good is accomplished.
to enact an ideal within ourselves that sets in motion a series of interactions- ultimately leading to the right outcome

But I could never imagine a situation in which caring too much would ever exist.
to give yourself- Altruistically
is the best virtue there is
the noblest

to give oneself for another.
to Choose to give what you have for someone else......
that is true beauty in my eyes

We always must take others into consideration in our daily events
we are a movement together

we have this affinity for one another just as we individually do for our families and closest friends.
we are family..
we have to start living as such

this movement must Phoenix.
we have to raise up together

not because we were forced to by an aggressor-
not because we don't want to be seen as not caring-

but because we Choose to
we feel that connectivity to one another
because we are altruistic (in varying degrees)
because it is WHAT IS RIGHT

we have to be the change we seek.
in our daily lives
in our homes
in the movement.

live by example.
live because existence isn't enough

live how you want- where you want- but without harm to anyone else.

Lets rise up
together, autonomous but vigilant

Monday, March 30, 2009

Reactivating the Liberty Movement

Are we images of our previously selves? Mere reflections of seconds previously?
How do we decipher what is and what was? What exists and what doesn't?

I would argue that this physical realm means nothing. It is illusionary and once we become trapped within it- we lose our true selves. - The good we contain outside of these walls of perceptive reality.

Not exist- but to truly live?

Why do we allow ourselves to fall into this cyclical pattern and lose ourselves over and over again?
When will we see that once we let go- we will truly live?

Trapped in that Damned cave again. Alone- and we see ourselves as hopeless....
That is why I believe this movement is so important. And not the movement itself- but rather those that are pushing that movement- us.
We have to go back into that cave and pull out those of us that are still asleep. We have to awaken others up just as we have awoken.

And this will not be easy... wont be an overnight job.
And if we realize that all that we have been taught in this physical realm was an illusion- we can transcend.

When will we connect to one another and daily reactivate ourselves in what is important?

I refuse to go through the cycle again. and I refuse for the Liberty movement family to either. That is why I am here- to motivate and keep everyone in the fold- keep them steadfast in awakening others.

So, lets go out and make a difference. Lets Live rather than exist.

I appreciate what you are doing for both yourself and the movement.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Epiphany

I can still feel that breeze slide whisper across my lips
Still sense that tingling in my chest
The same as the first moment when I realized the truth.

When I woke to the notion that I had spent my life chained in that cave- clinging to those relics upon the wall.

I stood there last night.

Stood outside of myself. Attempting to embrace the elements of anothers spirit.

We all see our true selves in certain lights. And when we attempt to explain that we tend to lose elements. Of our souls. in the transaction of words.

We spoke of the pure of heart. The few left in this world. And it was spoken from two different perspectives. And it sincerely blew my mind.

And what makes us special is our ability to resist the temptation to give into negativity and a disillusioned outlook on life and its inhabitants.

I believe people are inherintly good. No matter what I have seen or heard- kick me, knock me down, attempt to destroy my framework- but I believe deep down goodness remains.

And as I explained last night- this-me- is what you get. Nothing more- nothing less.
And yes- I retain some armor... but I have a tendency to be vulnerable.. and I have learned over time that that element should be celebrated rather than shunned.

Vulnerability doesnt make you weak. I would argue right the opposite. To be unlike everyone else- to be willing to expose yourself- good and bad- is the epitomy of strength.
And I saw this in this persons eyes last night. and I was moved.

That moment- when someones persona uncoils and sheds at your feet, and you see someones soul.... that is what I live for. Why I am here.

For the pure of heart can see one another- we sense one another. The folks that do not intentionally hurt one another, have conviction to let the good win out in this world- and give all we can to those we hold closest to us.

And I learned alst night that there are more of us than previously suspected- and we all gaurd ourselves in different ways.

Some of us believe in fighting for the good, in everyone. but others of us are now only willing to fight for the good left over.

And who am I to judge that point of view?

But I know my purpose here- in this world- is to show care and devotion to those in my presence- not to get anything out of it.... but because I know that is what is right. To show the jaded that you can rise from it. There are still people in existence that care beyond the trivialities of this world.

And I always thought I was meant to help others through my microbiological applications. Because I dont behave the way I do to get attention, affection, or praise. I do it because IT IS WHAT IS RIGHT.

and I think maybe I am missing out on what is really going on. Like I limit my meaning to what my limited perception sees.

And I realized it last night. And it moved me.
we cant hide. We cant sucumb to the numbness of this world any longer. Yes, the world is messed up... but you have to fight it- and change it, instead of hiding from it.

We can do this. I believe it in my heart.
And I havent felt that passionate or realize how serious I am about what I proclaim than I did last night.

And I see what I am. What I am made of.
This world will never take me.

we have to be one anothers support system. We all have a hand in holding one another up. And The ones who can see the truth about this world beyond fashion, tv, etc. need more support than I previously realized.

So I am on a mission. And last night fueled my convictionthat the good can win out. that through the golden rule, vulnerability, and open appreciation- we can revive the ones of us that have fallen asleep.

Because when they wake- Gah I cant begin to explain that feeling- that rush that comes with seeing someone awaken to the truth.

I had to make a memory of it.and it will stay with me.tucked away in my heart, with all the other epiphanies that have made me who I am.

we will change this world. With passion, love, devotion, the forms, and logic.

Dont give up hope on this world.

And so agian I shed my skin, exposing silkier flesh that glistens in the sunlight.

Thank you for these epiphanies. I am lucky to have you all.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

remember to breathe

Remeber the first breath....
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

I breathe out slowly... watching the carbon dioxide escape my lips.

I watch this slowly. Subconciously awaiting the oxygen to be drawn in... to remember that I am alive... and still breathing.

is that messed up? or is it a beautiful fact that we all underneath desire to exist- to be alive?

I know I am thankful to feel my heartbeat. To awake in the morning wiht my first thought always being "thank you for letting me live another day". And I always close my eyes tight, just to take that extra moment to show that first breath a sens eof appreciation.

I dont tell many ppl my inner thoughts... that my sentimentality extends to something as silly as waking in the morning...

but I think that helps explain me. Who I am- what i desire out of life- and what makes me happy. I am not hard to please. I just ask for appreciation- that is it.

Acceptance of my sappy side- adn respect of my mind and heart.

And awaiting in the morning is the most beautiful moment to me- the intake and exhale. The initial opening of your eyes- and that initial glance.... it gives me goosebumps just to think of it.

How is it that something so simple can move us? Can change how our day plays out?

And yet- we find ourselves far from that the moment we step foot out the door? That we lose ourselves?
But sometimes we need to remember that intial breath. That we exist alone in times... such as in the mornings. It is just us and the Good for that first second. As if you wake and he pumps that first breath into you. And it tastes so sweet. No judgements, no worries, just bliss.

If only every breath could taste so sweet and soft rolling up our tongues.

Remember the first breath.

Allison

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The beats of my heart

I felt my heart beat tonight.

Felt it forcing my blood through its chambers and redistribute.

And I felt it. In my bones- in my core. For the first time in so long. I caught myself smirk to it. As if it was a cute memory I had long forgotten.

And I lay here- in this moment drumming my heart beats- thumping moments of my life- on my chest. Why?

To remind myself of the taps.

It is the small taps through life that qualitatively define us. Aid us. Converge our lives with others. Force us to reminisce in the beauty that is life.And remind us that we are still breathing.

Still here. Still contain meaning- and dimension.

And I remember moments where I lay next to others and did this- none understanding- why Ifelt it so important to listen to their heart. To drum the revolutions of their heart.

And why I grieve each time an Aortic valve is sent to the lab. And why I am the first to speak up my desire to handle such a divine specimen.

And each grind of the tissue makes my heart cry out. Lamenting the passage of the taps that have long since faded. Someone has to miss the beats. Miss what never will be.

Life begins and life ends... but do we truly appreciate that essence while it is around?
Or do we daily rewrite our own obituary? Detailing what we have accomplished and rejecting what we have yet to?

I refuse to accept the notion that the best days are behind us. Individually and collectively.

We can change things. We can relearn the appreciation for our past symbiosis.

We can retain the essences of appreciation and love. With each small tap.

The only thing is- we have to silence ourselves long enough to hear them. You have to see them for what they are.... the essence of existence.

The small things in this world keep us going. That is- if we stop long enough to realize what is happening. To see this world, its inhabitants, and the seemingly insignificant for what they really are.

Art. Beauty. Completeness.

And I can tell you from personal experience... never have I felt more one with another person than when we both stop to listen to one anothers heart.

There truly is something amazing about it.

We have to be that for one another also. We have to listen to one another.. we have to go back to the golden rule. Appreciate the little things in life... and not continually look for quick gratification.

If you listen close enough... everything will fit.

Thank you for waking me. And reviving the blood flow.

This life is a gift. We are all gifts to one another. We have to understand and appreciate the little things in life. The heart beats of life.

Friends, family, new conversations, a shy smile, a simple reminder of appreciation, a kind word

we have to start giving again. Not with the desire to receive reciprocation-

But because it is right.

Because we set ourselves to a higher standard.

Because we know in our hearts its the right way to live.

Because we have a desire to give.

And above all.....

In our heart of hearts-

We know the good Will win out!

Thank you for being those gentle taps in my chest. I appreciate them more than you may ever know.

Allison

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Platonic Descention


Does conviction matter in this world?

Peace isn't spoken anymore.. actually I don't believe it is even in our vocabulary...

When will this heart begin to reject the idea that I may be safer on an airplane?
Safer in the sky up above than in this world that is losing its capacity to love. to cherish. to feel something other than impulse?

Will we succeed in our fight? Do we stand a chance?

When will we wake to the notion that Plato was always right? That the allegory has a direct correlation to life?

The cave, the ascent.

Why does the philosopher continue to try and unshackle those trapped in the cave?

I have personally always wondered what makes the philosopher, after seeing the truth of the Form world....descend Back into the cave....
What triggers the selflessness to serve others above oneself?
After seeing such beauty- he returns to the cave. the descent?

Maybe I will never know... maybe we see ourselves in these individuals- chained to the chairs of indulgence- coerced by the shadows of pain and regret?

maybe its because we picture our past selves struggling to breathe, to feel...... anything at all.
Willing to believe anything- just to feel the sensation of life again.


Maybe we are attempting to retain our hope- our hope that we won't ascend alone.

That others can retain the hope- even if it is in just us- that there is something more- to look forward to- to care for- to be able to feel the pins and needles in their legs... anything but numbness.... allowing them to begin the ascent into the Form world- the beauty of this life.

To begin living- not merely existing.

For all we have is the forms. The only option at this point is to hope. If we lose that, then what do we have?

It is a philosophical conundrum.

Because sometimes........... you have to break your neck to keep your chin up.